The Journey to 30 and Finding Meaning in Endings
Hi, I’m Ozzy and this is my journey to turning 30.
I’m currently 29 years old, living in Santa Monica, California.
I have about one month left of my 20s, and turning 30 is something I’ve been somewhat dreading. The older I get, the less desirable I feel to society. I don’t know if that thought is shaped by my own limiting thoughts, men (some), or going through my own process of finding meaning in endings.
I want to share my journey of how I’ve reshaped my thoughts from the above, to alternatively, finding the positive meaning in endings.
Roaring 20s:
I thought that my life would be over at 30 (I’ll talk more about this later), and I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s the reality of how my thoughts shaped my belief system.
At your early 20s, you feel the most alive; like anything is possible. You feel desirable by society, powerful in some ways, and reckless in some; but in a good way. You have so much energy. You’re not that wise, although you think you are, and you think anything is possible; however realistic it may be.
Then, your late 20s really shape you and bring more truth to the reality of life.
The reality is that the high you’re on in your early 20s isn’t as realistic as you thought and it doesn’t last, as nothing in this life does. You get to understand that being a real adult and how you pictured your life are two different things to how you imagined.
I’m not here to say 20s aren’t great, but they’re definitely a roller coaster of a ride. And I’m finally ready to come off of that ride.
How I feel about Turning 30:
Reframing my thoughts.
As I’m slowly approaching my 30s, I’ve learned to reframe what I initially thought about turning 30, and escape from every thought that made me feel undesirable. I’m slowly learning that 30’s are actually my prime time, and I should get excited about it.
I’m a lot wiser (actually wise this time), healthier, have way more inner peace, and am so much more confident than I ever was in my early 20s. Those are all the things I am excited to bring into my 30s, and to work on into my next decades that is yet to come.
For a while I felt lost about turning 30.
Lost because I’m not where I thought life would take me. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, a house or a career I thought I would pursue.
But, I feel whole in other ways because as I am getting older, I feel more connected to my intuition, and have a lot more inner peace than ever before. I am learning each day to practice gratitude for where I’ve been able to take my life and learning to find joy in the smaller things.
I’m not where my mom was at my age, but I know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
And each day, I am learning to get back to my roots and follow my path to authenticity.
I thought I would have everything figured out by 30.
Growing up, I thought that I was supposed to be married by 25, have kids, a house, and “start my life”. I thought that I would be married to one guy for the rest of my life and that it would all really just be a fairy tale. Or…at least really like any of the early 2000 rom-com movies.
Finding meaning in endings.
Now, I look at my life at 29, at the brink of 30, and yet, I don’t see how any of that could be true.
For one, I don’t look at marriage the same way I used to. I find that partnerships, whether you are married or not, are spiritual journeys that help us evolve. These journeys could last one year, five years, fifteen or even thirty years — and then they come to an end.
And that’s okay.
Endings, I believe, have a purpose and I’m at peace with endings. In fact, this life and Earth are built on endings. Whether that’s in nature or in the human journey, we all experience endings. One of the greatest endings we all know is death.
So I’ve learned, endings are part of reality and I am okay with reality. I find that if we fight with reality we experience suffering. Alternatively, there is so much more inner peace when you allow reality to do what it needs to.
Being more grateful in the journey ahead.
What’s next for me? I’m not sure. I live in my dream state. I made the bold move from Boston at age 27; a defining age I hear.
Now, I’m at a place where I feel the most alive at this moment in time.
Currently, I am trying to be more intentional with my time and life.
I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunities I have and I no longer want to fight with not being where I thought I should be at this point in my life nor be consumed with the thoughts of where I want to be.
I’m exactly where I need to be.
Mundane.
I find that as humans, we can get too comfortable with the mundane, everyday living. And with that, we may habitually overlook what we need to change or how we need to adjust in order to evolve. Or worse, not be grateful for what we already have. It’s a balance of realizing what you have is amazing, but at the same breadth fighting mediocrity for a life of purpose.
My goal is to break from habitual living, and with mindfulness, appreciate the small moments of life. However, I’m still learning to take action on the things that have meaning to me and make me feel the most alive; whilst honoring my time.
Desires.
I recently learned that the desire for a more positive experience is in itself a negative experience. And accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. So, although I want to focus less on the negative, I also want to welcome all experiences. For me, it’s about knowing life is hard, each day isn’t perfect, but learning to find the middle in between. Each day can be special in some way and we also have the control to create a life that’s meaningful and exciting for us.
Flowing through.
Life has taken me here, in this moment in time, to be here typing this story to you. I can’t be certain that life will flow through in a way that is smooth or how I picture it, but I know that in the end it will flow through how it’s meant to.
So far, life hasn’t paved itself in a way that I have imagined thus far, and yet looking back, the dots connect and everything is as it should be. I’m at peace with this moment.
A bigger purpose.
Looking ahead, there’s a part of me that feels that I have some sort of mission to complete here on this Earth. Like there’s a bigger purpose. I haven’t found it yet, and I know I will keep searching for it.
As Steve Job’s said:
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.
Steve Jobs
But, on the other hand, I am at peace if I never do find what this big purpose is or what it really means. I know at this moment in time, my purpose is to be curious. Each day, that purpose will change. And I know that we will never really have all the answers we seek, and that’s okay. I know being present in the journey is the most important aspect of it all. Even more crucial is always following your heart.
I don’t let the thoughts of what I’m supposed to do consume me. I get curious about it, and then I let go and go on with my life.
Something big.
All I know is I’ve always wanted to do something big with my life. Not sure what big is to me or how I want to define it, but it’s what I’ve always felt in my heart.
This brings to mind my other favorite quote:
Closing a chapter.
20’s for me have been about being a fighter. Trying to find the horizon where it didn’t seem to exist or impossible to get to. 20’s weren’t easy. But as I look back, I see the dots connecting to get me to this moment. I see the beauty in it. I know that 20’s were my primer, and 30’s will be a new defining chapter of who I truly am meant to be. I let go of all the thoughts of feeling like I will be less desirable, less relevant or really less of anything. On the contrary, I’m ready to play even bigger with my life.
As I’m in my last few months of my 20s, a defining decade, I am getting ready to close this chapter of my life. I am excited to go into this new decade with a lot more confidence, strength, inner peace, freedom, self-love and understanding of who I am at my core. More so than ever before. I look forward to all the experiences, good and bad, that allow me to feel most alive.
I have no way of knowing when my ending is, and I know that I may not be too old or too young, but I am starting to believe that we need to give this thing called life our best shot. I’m ready to play bigger, go on more adventures and make decisions on what I truly want vs what people want of me. Additionally, I’m ready to express more of my creativity.
Lastly, most of my 20s were spent dealing with my mental health and surviving. Now, the journey is about protecting my inner peace and going confidently in the direction of my wildest dreams.
As my life is expanding to this new reality, I welcome it. I am grateful that I fought to get to this point. That I never gave up. I fought through my tough days in order to grow wiser, stronger and be at more peace than ever before.
So here’s to being almost 30, finding meaning in the ending of this chapter, and being grateful and excited to live each day in this expansive world. In the midst of it all, I will always believe magic is all around me.
I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I’m excited.
See you soon 30s,
Ozzy
READ MOREThe Process of Becoming Her
The process of becoming Her is a movement that’s recently taken a hold through social media, and I want to dissect what it means.
My interpretation of it is that it’s about becoming the main character of your story. With all the TikTok videos out there showcasing this, I wanted to write down what that could look like in action and the process of actually becoming Her and the main character of your own story.
Two disclaimers:
- I am also on this journey myself and probably always will be.
- This is not only for people who identify with ‘Her’. This could be for anyone that identifies with any other pronouns.
Analyzing our belief systems.
We hold a lot of beliefs, whether we are aware of them or not.
Some beliefs that we hold could be:
“I am a bad writer.”
“I am not a great cook.”
“I am not a morning person.”
“I don’t know how to…”
“I’m not smart. ”
“I need to lose weight.”
And so all of these beliefs quickly become our identity and feel incredibly true to us at our core.
Then, we start acting the way we believe ourselves to be.
Which is where we start: our limiting beliefs.
We may not even realize that we’ve been holding these belief systems for so long as they’ve become habitual thoughts and patterns.
The important thing to note is that our subconscious brain believes everything we tell it. If you tell it ‘I’m not a great cook’, then it will limit yourself to that. It will do everything in its power to make this statement true for you. As Jim Kwik says, our brains are our supercomputers. We need to program it with the right inputs and thoughts.
What does Becoming Her mean?
The process of becoming Her is the pursuit of becoming the best version of yourself each day. And in that pursuit, I believe we have to learn to be limitless, and more intentional with our thoughts and belief system.
It all starts with taking a closer look at what’s holding us back.
Main Character Energy:
Becoming Her means becoming and acting like the main character of your life movie. Main character energy is about the process of learning to become the woman of your dreams.
If your story was a movie, it would mean that you would be the main character. You would be the person that all the viewers and characters fall in love with. And essentially, you would be the one who would learn to become stronger and better as the story went on. Throughout the whole story, you would never doubt yourself nor give up on yourself, and always persevere through anything.
This isn’t to say that becoming Her is a way to change who you are deep within. Rather, this is a movement to showcase the parts of you that you may have been hiding; perhaps letting go of living with fear and instead choosing freedom to be unapologetically you.
Being intentional.
It’s a journey at aiming to live the life you’ve imagined for yourself, and not how others want you to live. Moreover, it’s about owning your story and learning to love yourself and your human journey. It’s about falling in love with your life; even the everyday mundane tasks, and realizing that you are the one you’ve been searching for. It’s about giving yourself more love each day and allowing every experience to come and go.
My interpretation of becoming Her means becoming obsessed with your life. Rather than obsessing over people’s opinion of us, you move that energy and refocus it to accomplishing things that make you feel good and empowered. It’s about finding peace within and at the same breath, leveling up your life.
It all starts with the next three steps. This is an ongoing movement, as such is life. As long as you never give up on Her, you will always be where you are meant to be. You just have to trust that.
Three Crucial Steps to Take in the Process of Becoming Her:
1. Get specific about the details of your ideal self
The first step is to correct your inner dialogue and adjust any beliefs that are not allowing you to live the most authentic and freeing life. As we talked above.
This takes time. Give yourself patience and love through this tough journey.
It starts with unlearning habitual thoughts that you no longer want to identify with. Taking control of your thoughts is not easy. You may think that it’s no big deal to have the thoughts you are having, however, I truly believe the small increments of change we make each day are what add up to make a big difference in our life.
As a matter of fact, 1% improvement each day adds up to 37% improvement in a year. For doing the bare minimum, that’s a pretty good number!
Journal your thoughts:
The journey to unlearn thoughts that belittle you start with journaling.
This means having to get real with the thoughts you have. It means having to write down everything that you’ve been ignoring (but your subconscious brain has not).
So, write down every thought that pops up in your head in a notebook throughout the day. Then, ask yourself if this thought is true? If yes, ask yourself how can you know absolutely that it can be true? What examples do you have? If you really don’t want to write it down, you could also have an inner dialogue with yourself. I promise this will make a big difference.
Next, if you know that it’s not really true or know deep down that this thought isn’t something you want to identify with, then ask yourself if your ideal self would have this thought about herself?
Identify your ideal self beliefs and characteristics:
After you identify your current beliefs and thoughts, you want to identify the thoughts and beliefs your ideal self has.
Get very specific and detailed with anything that comes to your mind of what this would mean for you ideal self. Write down all the characteristics she might have, and her belief systems. How does she talk (especially to herself)? What thoughts does she have? What are her belief systems?
Write everything about the woman you want to become. The woman you envision for yourself. Think about the characteristics she might have. What does she eat to make herself feel her best?
Write it all down. Print it. Put it next to your bed or desk and look at it everyday. Then, learn to show up as her every single day.
No matter how small of an action it is each day — just show up.
2. Learn to show up to your commitments
The second step is learning to show up to your own commitments.
First, this means to show up to all the things you say you want to do, but keep postponing to another day. It’s about knowing that everything starts in the now and not at a time later in the future. With that, it means getting organized and learning to show up for yourself.
How many times do you show up for others?
Do you show up to work on time everyday? How about your friends; do you show up for your friends? Do you show up for events that you really don’t want to go to, but you feel bad rejecting people?
We show up for commitments for others all the time. Sometimes, without really questioning what it means for our mental health and time.
Becoming Her means realizing that one of the most valuable assets we have is our time.
Becoming Her means letting go of anything that wastes your time, people who are not aligned with your values, and things that are not true to your purpose.
It’s important to remind yourself each day that showing up to your commitments is a sign of self-respect.
So, how do you learn to show up to your own commitments?
The crucial step to take to learn to show up to your commitments means you start saying yes to you and no to everything else that doesn’t align with your core values. It means saying no to anything that doesn’t allow you to be free and messes with your inner peace. Only intuitively, you’ll know what that is.
Similarly to step one, the second step also takes time as really anything in this life does.
This one means you need to learn to really love yourself. And well, the tough journey to self-love is a journey that may last a full lifetime. But it means that you need to give yourself patience, grace and know that it’s okay to not have any of this be “perfect”.
3. Dress like the Main Character
Dress like Her.
How does your future/most ideal self dress? How would the main character of the story dress?
This one is important because I believe how we act and show up attracts more of what we want to experience.
I also strongly believe that how you dress affects your mood. If you feel your best, then you end up showing up as your best self.
Moreover, it’s also important to note that how you live each day is how you live your life. Each day adds up and becomes your life.
Personally, my ideal woman is someone who dresses in chic outfits and power suits. She has great fashion and takes care of her skin, hair, and diet. She shows up to take care of herself, not for anyone else, but for herself and her mental health.
Write down every detail of your ideal self.
So, how does your ideal self dress? Write it down. There’s no wrong answer here and it doesn’t have to be the same as mine. This is really understanding how you want to show up each day. I want you to take care of yourself and if it means showering and putting on your favorite sweatpants, then do that.
This is about learning to understand how you want to feel by how you portray yourself outwardly. This goes hand in hand with how you dress and feel inside may help with the characteristics that you may want to portray. If it means in the beginning you’ll feel like an actress, then so be it. Remember you’re the main character.
When I started showing up as the woman I wanted to be, the world began responding to me; showing me all the different ways I needed to keep moving, and healing, and growing, and stretching beyond myself, beyond anything I had ever reached before. When I started showing up as the woman I wanted to be, the world lead me to a place where I could finally say: ‘I am her’.
Reaching the sun – april green
The Journey Ahead and Why “Her”
The journey to showing up each day as our ideal self is tough, and you may question: is it even worth it? In my opinion, showing up as your best self gives you freedom of the thoughts of ‘I should do this’ or ‘desires’ to be wanting more of our life. It allows you to get unstuck and live more fully. So, whatever gives you freedom in the end is worth it to me.
Summing it all up
Finally, to sum it all up, becoming Her is a process of persistence. It’s an internal fight to become who you want to be and not letting obstacles get in the way of becoming all and everything you are meant to be and dream to be.
Becoming Her is a movement within yourself to show up and show to yourself that you matter. It’s truly an act of self-love. I know that the word self-love has gotten thrown around a lot more recently to a point that we may start to question the power of it, but I promise you, when you choose you, you are choosing right.
Welcome this new journey for yourself of wanting more out of your life, for not giving up until you are aligned to your most authentic self. This journey is about knowing that through the ups and downs, when you show up as your best self, you are more connected, free and full.
Here’s to the journey ahead.
-Ozzy
Resources:
1% Reference:
Clear, James. “How to Get 1% Better Every Day.” Next Big Idea Club, https://www.facebook.com/NextBigIdeaClub/, https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/get-1-better-every-day/19161/. Accessed 6 Nov. 2021.
READ MORELife is Short and Unpredictable — Eat the Dessert First!
Not sure about you, but dessert is always my favorite part of my meal. I always look forward to it the most at holiday parties. This could potentially be because of my sweet tooth…
Growing up, we were always taught to eat your meal first, then you can have your dessert.
You know… follow the rules, and do the “right” kind of thing….
This brings to mind the saying; ‘Life’s too short, eat the desert first.’
I want to take a moment to digest (metaphorically 🙂 ) that saying and to fully understand what that could mean for us.
I fully believe some of the most cliché sayings have the most truth to them. When we take a mindful moment to realize that the people who were here before us left their footprint with these quotes, you realize how significant words truly are and what it could mean for our happiness. Because… (here’s another one) life really is too short to be anything but happy.
So, here we go, lets dive deep in, and see what “Life’s Too Short, Eat The Dessert First” means.
To me, the quote means, stop following the rational “rules” of the mind and instead follow your heart.
To be able to do the things you love, you must follow your heart, and most often, the path won’t look perfectly in order, but trust me, it’ll be well worth it.
I say eat the dessert first because life never goes in perfect order, and if you want to do something, then you must stop saying:
Someday, I will travel,
Someday, I will lose the weight and become healthy,
Someday, I will get my life organized,
Someday, I will start that dream business…
If you want anything out of your life, you must go at it full force and stop waiting for the perfect moment.
Always, remind yourself perfection does not exist in this lifetime. I know it’s hard to digest that if you are a perfectionist (as I was in the past) — trust me, I totally get you. It feels good to have things organized and not messy. But, you know what else feels good? In the midst of the mess, looking back and knowing you went for it, grew so much, took risks and lived a life with no regrets.
If you want to go after something you’ve always dreamed of, you have to stop thinking it’ll come to you at a different time in place. You can enjoy what you want most right now, in this moment as long as you go after it.
Here Are the 3 Different Ways You Can ‘Eat the Dessert First’:
1) The Right Moment Doesn’t Exist
There is beauty in the imperfect and chaos of everyday life.
Once you see that, and once you embrace it, the second part of your life begins….
You do not need to wait until the right moment comes around because in reality no one is guaranteed this life. You were gifted this life, but death is our reality, as we know it. Since that is all we know in this age, why wait to start your dream life in a different moment in time, and instead, why not create the reality you most desire?
I say have the courage to bring forth what is within you and share your treasures with the world right in this moment. If you have to take a step forward, know that nothing is holding you back, but yourself. You don’t need the right house, the right degree or body to accomplish whatever you are trying to accomplish. You just need to decide and then double down on your goals and go after it full force like a warrior.
2) Perfection Is Overrated
Trying to achieve perfection is a dead end road.
Perfection, in its definition, is flawless.
In reality, perfection is the only impossible thing as we know it on this planet, that I believe is unachievable.
What is perfect, in my opinion, is this life. Life has so much to give to us, and there is so many beautiful things that surround us every single day. All we have to do is take a moment to notice it and fully appreciate it.
To me, this Earth is imperfectly perfect. There is so much beauty in it without it being perfect. In a billion years, this Earth won’t even be around. If you’re reading this right now, that probably doesn’t mean much to you, but if you think about it, it’s very special we get to experience it right now, whereas, there will be a time when people no longer can enjoy this Earth.
In another point, nothing about this life is normal, everything is extraordinary — so, I stay step up, and create a life that is up to the extraordinary standard, whilst learning to find peace in each moment.
Ozzy Balkanli
There is tremendous amounts of beauty in taking action and taking small steps into your goals. I have learned that it is better to make mistakes and learn then to be too timid to start.
More often than not, chasing perfection puts you at a bad place because it is unachievable. All that is achievable is being a better person than you were yesterday and the only day that is ‘perfect’ to do that is today.
So, live each day as a beautiful mess that it is.
3) Your Journey Is Your Own
One of my favorite songs is “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I know it’s overplayed and there’s a good chance many people don’t like it after the show, “The Hills”, but, give it another listen, and this time, really listen to the lyrics.
It tells you to live life to the fullest and to live your best life creating it EXACTLY the way you want to.
I love how she says: “Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you.” and “No one else can speak the words on your lips.” Both of those are incredibly meaningful and true. Simple and powerful.
This is your life to live. We are all born as individuals and I realize that that could be part of the big plan of the Universe. It’s to learn that your journey is for you to discover and learn from. Don’t ever apologize for living your life exactly the way that you want to live it.
If you want to have the best part happen now (aka ‘eat the dessert now’), then just GO DO WHATEVER SETS YOUR HEART ON FIRE RIGHT NOW. Go for it! Don’t wait because I would not want you to waste a single moment in our imperfectly, perfect world.
Don’t reach for perfection rather reach for progress and always follow your heart.
I hope your journey is meaningful, loving and I hope it makes the little girl or boy proud. I hope you achieve all of your dreams.
Lastly, I hope you always eat the dessert first because this life is unpredictable and imperfectly your own journey to live out. You get to decide to live the best moments now and most importantly, strive to make each moment memorable.
Your life is a blank book in which you get to create for yourself and like Natasha Beddingfield said – the rest is unwritten.
Now, go write your own story!
Lots of love,
Ozzy